My story by Kiree

G’day, my name is Kiree. You might recognize me as one of the team members here. This is my story. I grew up in the late 80s and 90s, attending school in both New Zealand and England. However, I never felt like I fitted in. Dresses, skirts, and makeup never felt right to me. Although I participated in typical "girl" activities like ballet, I stopped as soon as I could. I much preferred being outdoors. At 16, I came out as bi to my mum during a visit to a local shopping mall because I didn’t want my dad or brother to hear, I was scared of their reactions. Despite coming out, I continued to live a straight life, having relationships with men and ‘keeping up appearances’. This led to multiple abusive relationships, not physical but emotionally devastating. At one point, I was so scared that I couldn’t even walk down the road without fear. Life wasn’t fun… During this time, I worked as a bar manager at a hotel in Ely, Cambridgeshire. It was almost a rite of passage for young people from New Zealand or Australia to work in a bar in the UK. I also helped out in housekeeping occasionally since I lived on site. I remember the head housekeeper telling me to go back to New Zealand and cut ties with the guy I was living with because she saw the abuse. I did leave, but my destructive patterns continued. For years, I self-medicated with alcohol. The cycle repeated, but I slowly grew. When my first marriage broke down, I was devastated. I had known and felt comfortable around my ex-husband since high school, but we should have stayed friends. Still uncomfortable in my own skin, I was better at recognising the problems with my choice of partners but didn’t fully understand myself. So, I left my home country, family, and friends and moved to the UK, hoping for a fresh start, thinking this time would be different, boy was I wrong. However moving to Scotland led me to meet the woman I married, together we started healing. About 13 years ago, I came out as gay to my closest family. I had never felt so free. Life started to make more sense, but I still wasn’t completely comfortable in my skin. Over the past decade, I’ve lived with a partner who has allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible. It hasn’t always been easy. When we visited New Zealand for my grandmother’s 90th birthday, I was worried about how she and other religious family members would react to us. These are fears you learn to live with when you are openly gay in a judgmental world. However, I’ve noticed a significant increase in acceptance in many areas of society recently. The latest chapter of my story occurred about two years ago. After many years of feeling disconnected and wondering if I was trans, I realised I am non-binary. This might not be the end of my journey, but it’s the conclusion of this part of my story. Thank you for reading.